Gratitude as a Compass: My Journey with Spiritual Bypassing

For many years I have read my share and more of self-help books, tuned into inspirational content, and have made the deliberate practice of implementing and honing spiritual practices into my daily life. Maybe a bit too much sometimes, but I do feel that these choices have been instrumental in my personal evolution. Through all this rich information on self-care and spiritual growth I have honed many valuable tools and have grown personally in many ways. I have learned how to practice present centered awareness and appreciate the gift of the moment at hand. How to tune into my body and the tensions that reside, offering space for their voices and care. How to pay attention to my breath and how I can regulate myself during times of stress or where I notice that my chest has become restricted for who knows how long. I have learned how effective these practices are for self-regulation, for introspection, for calming my nervous system and allowing for greater daily functioning. I am by no means perfect at these things, and am still human. I make mistakes. I forget to or choose not to use the tools that I know I have. I still have much more to learn and to hone and will be at this for the rest of my life. I will continue to experience the difficulties that life presents with age and time. Be a part of loss and birth, of change. I think that is part of the gift and beauty of the time that we are given in our lives. We all get the choice of how we want to respond to the events that take place in our lives. We get to choose the seeds we plant in our gardens and how we cultivate them. I am proud of the effort and dedication I have put into my practices and the investiture I have placed into myself, and my attunement to the voice of my inner self and that of Spirit. 

That being said, as I continue to walk my own journey of lightening the load of what I carry, of my enlightenment process, I continue to be humbled by how much I do not know. About how much my eyes are continually being opened to new states of being, new ways of being a part of my interpersonal relationships, new insights into all the inner workings of myself. I am deepening my relationship with the various inner parts of myself who all are a part of my life whether I like it or not. I continue to change. To evolve. To grow. Some programs and philosophies still work for me, some do not anymore. Some simply shift and evolve. Through therapy, consciously building healthier relationships, and continued self-growth I have become more aware that there are some ways that I operate that are not the healthiest.  One example of this and what that I am working on in this chapter of my life is my relationship with gratitude, and with spiritual bypassing. 

Spiritual bypassing is when emotions are denied or repressed by the belief that all negative experiences must have a positive lesson. It is when spiritual language is used that dismisses one’s own personal struggles. When a sense of gratitude overshadows and undermines real emotions and skips crucial steps of healing: Acknowledgement and processing. Of honoring what is present and real. The downsides of this is a disconnection to one’s own feelings and inner needs. It hinders authenticity and the ability to connect with others.

As I look back at various periods of my own life I can see this pattern showing up. I know that is nothing to be ashamed of. That I was simply doing my best to cope with the difficulties of this world and with my own life. That I was trying to implement the teachings of those that I admired and what I believed to be solutions to the pain I was experiencing. I was authentically being grateful for all that I did have, yet there were also stored hurts that needed tending as well without comparison or shame. 

Gratitude is a theme that seems to be a constant in the guidance of many past and present empowered leaders of the world. There seems to be a way that embodying a sense of authentic gratitude taps us into a certain vibration or state of being that helps us to experience life in a heightened and more joyful way. In my heart this still resonates as truth and is a pillar of how I choose to operate in this world. That being said, I am now consciously making sure that I am not diminishing what is in my body to be expressed. Not belittling how I feel and what I feel needs to be given space to be processed. 

Practicing gratitude helps me to be where my feet are. Helps me to better see and appreciate what is around me. It helps my vision to broaden and gives me a better window into the lives of the people that surround me. When I wake in the morning and when I go to bed at night I make a point to kneel by my bed, close my eyes, and give thanks for all that I have in my life: The people who I love and who care about me, for the food that nourishes me, the roof that is over my head, the air that flows through the trees and fills my lungs, and even for the hardships that I experience as well as the guidance on how I can best navigate them. This is where I feel I can get carried away at times. 

It is during times of greater suffering, times where I feel lost or where pain seems to overtake my operating system that my practice of gratitude helps me to cope. I know that I do not have to be thankful for pain, or people who I felt hurt by, but that through staying in tune with my body and my emotional process I can both honor what I am feeling and needing, as well as help steer my ship if you will in a direction that I believe in my best interest. In keeping perspective of how much I do have in my life that is worth being grateful for. I believe that it is when we both honor and give space to our emotions, as well as practice gratitude that true empowerment happens. 

I think that ideally there is a beautiful mutualistic relationship between our emotions and our minds. That we all innate have the tools we need to live and act as healthy, empowered humans who can face great adversity with kindness, grace, and compassion. I think that this process is one we all will have the opportunity to continue to work on throughout our entire lives, yet one that is of the utmost importance. 

Life is hard. We all sometimes are given more than we think we can handle. Like the four seasons, we all go through times of death, of turning inward, of new growth, and that of joy and play. I think that keeping this awareness of the changing seasons and honoring what they each bring is part of what eliminates unhealthy spiritual bypassing. We all have our own lives and stories, yet we all share the same themes in how they play out. I believe that the more we can continue to honor our own emotions, experiences, and the hurts that reside in our hearts, the more that we will be able to truly see each other. To be able to look into the eyes of the people around us and see the same pains, the same desires that are in our own hearts. I believe that this is part of what will help pave the path for a better and brighter future.   

I feel grateful for all the amazing people in this world who every day are bettering themselves and doing their best to bring light into this world. I see it every day and am constantly inspired. I wish you all the courage, strength and guidance you need to continue on your own path. May you continue to honor yourself and point your compass towards a better world.